Valentine Schmalentine.

So, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Bleurgh!

Don’t get me wrong, I love romance but the very thought of a scheduled calendar day for us all to simultaneously celebrate leaves me cold.

Whether it’s a card purchased from a major chain store or one manufactured by a global company, a bunch of red roses that will wilt and drop leaves all over the floor (or worse, a single red rose in a cellophane wrapper, forced on you by a persuasive seller outside a naff restaurant), a great big balloon in a heart shape, a Valentine’s-set-menu-three-courses-for-£20 meal in a restaurant filled with lots of other people eating the same and enjoying a special moment surrounded by lots of other people enjoying a special moment…….bleurgh!!

Hallmark make a fortune at this time of year by convincing the masses to give each other cards. If you don’t get one (or several) then you are an unloved loser. So you have to buy one.

Have you ever heard the rule that when a man buys an engagement ring it should be the value of a month’s salary (or two, or three…)? Do you know who came up with that?

De Beers. Yes, De Beers, “the world’s premier diamond mining and marketing company”.

Pah!

Valentine’s Day is taken to a whole new level if you work in an office, especially a large open-plan one. At some point during the day, one or several women will be seen receiving a huge bunch of roses. Cue much giggling, excitement, blushing, jealousy, bitchiness…..

Oh to be that woman whose boyfriend loves her so much that he would send those roses to her office and make a public declaration of his blissful adoration. (Oh to not be that woman whose boyfriend has so little imagination that he fell hook, line and sinker for Valentine’s Day and sent 12 red roses, which she probably doesn’t even like).

Pah!

Can you tell I’m not really into this event?!

And so, as tomorrow draws closer, I can go to bed safe in the knowledge that my husband won’t send me flowers and that he won’t have written me a Hallmark card. We’re definitely not going out for a Valentine’s-set-menu-three-courses-for-£20 meal in a restaurant filled with lots of other people eating the same.

Will I be just a little bit disappointed?

Of course I will.